How To Counsel a Girl Cheated By a Playboy?
Posted: Saturday, August 20, 2011
by Chiradeep
e-Counseling
A Case Study
(Jen, a girl of 21 years old was cheated and ditched by a boy is totally devastated, scared, ashamed, and have gone to a cousin’s place trying to run away from her parents, relatives, friends, and the whole situation. She spends time in solitude, depression, weeping all day. Her parents are in dark and are enquiring about her but she just says, “She is fine and please allow her to stay with her cousin.” Her studies are getting hampered, her old parents are worried, and she is not taking care of her own self. Finally she is taken to a counselor by her cousin after a month of the incident.)
Counselee: Hello Sir! Good evening!
Counselor: Good evening Miss Jen, be comfortable here. Would you mind little coffee or tea?
Counselee: No Sir! I am fine. I don’t want to have anything, sorry.
Counselor: That’s ok. No problem. Tell me, what’s your dad do?
Counselee: He is an engineer. He is retired now.
Counselor:Good. What about your mom?
Counselee: She is a homemaker
Counselor:I see. What do you study?
Counselee: I study in a college with English Honors.
Counselor:Good. Very good. What’s your aim in life?
Counselee: I don’t know. Right now I am just blank. I don’t feel like doing anything.
Counselor:Why is that? May I know what has happened?
Counselee: I, I just left my boyfriend. I broke the relationship.
Counselor:Ah! I see. Did he mistreat you?
Counselee: No. More than that. He has relationship with other girls.
Counselor:Oh! So you feel cheated and bad?
Counselee: Yes!
Counselor:Tell me, how long have you been in the relationship?
Counselee: 2 years
Counselor:That’s a quite long time.
Counselee: Yes! And I never believed my friends when they told me about him. But when I saw myself in my own eyes, then I was convinced. He is a cheat, a shameless guy. He didn’t even accept that he did a mistake. He gave all kinds of crap. All kinds of excuses. I hate him.
Counselor:I can understand Miss Jen, the pain and heartache you are going through! It is really difficult to tolerate a cheat whom we love wholeheartedly. I can empathize with you. Does he study in the same college or does something else?
Counselee: He was studying previously. Now he works in…. Huh! I don’t wanna talk about him. I hate him.
Counselor:Did you have any physical relationship with him? Please don’t mind Miss Jen…
Counselee: Fortunately, No; otherwise I would have…I don’t know what could have happened…
Counselor:Ok. You are right. Good that you are safe in that regard by the grace of God.
Let’s forget him. Tell me now; do your parents know what has happened to you?
Counselee: No. I haven’t told them anything. They have never approved this relationship from the beginning. Now I do not have a face to tell them what has happened. I am so shameful. I am a loser. I am failed. I hate myself.
Counselor:Calm down Miss Jen. It is really an awkward situation in front of you, but they love you and care for you. Right?
Counselee: Yes! They love me and care for me so much and that is why I feel more shameful. I disobeyed them and I hate myself for that.
Counselor:I can very well understand what you mean Miss Jen. Have you spoken to them here and did they ask you the reason of coming here?
Counselee: Yes! They call me almost everyday. I just tell them that, “I am fine and will be back soon. I gave an excuse that I have a college project and assignment to do. They feel ok and trust me as I am with my elder cousin. But I don’t know what will happen next? I don’t know how I am gonna live? How much I loved that guy? How much he had done for me but he forgot everything. He, he cheated me. Huh! I can’t believe it. How can he do this to me? And it’s not about another girl over me. But he is a womanizer. He has relationship with more than 2 or 3 girls at a time. How could I do it? How could I ignored such big information and continued my relationship for two long years. I was in love with a pig. I really can’t forgive myself.
Counselor:Go on Jen, I am listening.
Counselee: Tell me sir, when my mom comes to know about it, she will be so sad. My dad will kill me. My mates will make fun of me as I was taking so much pride in my relationship with that pig. How can I study? Please show me a way sir. Help me.
Counselor:Yes Jen, I am here to help you out from your problem but you have to be strong to fight the battle of life yourself and I do believe that you are a brave girl and you can do it.
Counselee: I don’t know sir. I am scared to face my own people and I don’t know.
Counselor:The first thing you have to do is, stop blaming yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. You have loved a person wholeheartedly. I don’t find anything wrong in that. He cheated you and that’s his problem. He is at fault and he will get his punishment sometime now or later. So please don’t blame yourself. Right dear?
Counselee: Ok Sir.
Counselor:Secondly, call your parents here; tell them that you are not well mentally and you are in trouble. Ask your cousin to tell this on your behalf. Don’t tell anything about the relationship. Let them come here first. When they come here, embrace them, cry in front of them, unburden yourself on them, confess everything, ask forgiveness for not listening to them all these months. I bet, they will understand you. They will forgive you and you will be relieved of the first tension you have right now in regards to your parents.
Counselee: Ok. But is it a good idea?
Counselor:Trust me. Do this first. Then you will think of facing other people, as they are more important than your friends in life.
Counselee: What about my studies? How can I study in the same college again?
Counselor:Why not? When you haven’t done anything wrong then why to worry about studying in the same college? Why do you have to torture yourself for a stupid pig? Does it anyway matter to him if you torture yourself like this? Answer me.
Counselee: No. A pig can not sense any emotion.
Counselor:Then why to suffer for a pig? If you suffer or take pain because of your mom then it will worth taking the pain. Isn’t it?
Counselee: Yes, I understand what you are saying. But I can not trust any male anymore. I hate them.
Counselor:I can understand your feelings towards the guys because of him. That’s alright. It is really difficult when we loose our faith on something or somebody. Your emotions are very true. The time can only heal your hurt and emotion. But for now you need to prioritize your actions. Focus on yourself and your parents as they can only understand you much better than anybody else.
Counselee: I will do that sir. But I am still confused about going back and continue my studies there in that old place. I am so down and depressed that it is difficult for me to continue.
Counselor:I can suggest you something if you like it.
Counselee: What’s that sir?
Counselor:You can study from home and finish your unfinished course. May be you need to start the session all over again but that’s alright as you are young. Now when you study at home, go out and do little social work outside or spend some time and energy on your hobbies. I don’t want you to be idle and dull at home. Right?
Counselee: Yes, I am following you sir.
Counselor:And about the hurt that you have can go slowly. We can’t avoid the truth yet we have to tackle it.
Counselee: I really don’t know how I am gonna tackle that sir.
Counselor:Jen dear, trust me, you can definitely be in proper shape within no time. I have faith in you. You are smart and brave. You can do it. Trust God and rely on Him. He loves you and cares for you.
Counselee: Yes, I know. Thank you so much sir! I am relieved to a great extent. I will try to contact my parents tonight and do as you have instructed.
Counselor:You are most welcome Jen. Come for little more counseling and future planning after you meet your parents. Two more sessions will make you perfectly able to get back to your real self.
Thanks for unburdening your pain. I appreciate. Bye…
Counselee: Thanks to you sir. Bye
(Its just a simple case study of counseling which can give an idea of how to proceed and do a cousneling session. I have not gone for much deeper issues which will be published later on. )
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Chiradeep:
This is beautiful and it shows your heart and wisdom and the true suffering of your client. Thanks for the great example of dealing with the hurt heart and the assailed sense of self. You are a true pro. Hope she gets better.
Yours,
Christofer
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