How To Console a Bereaved?
Posted: Wednesday, June 29, 2011
by Chiradeep
e-Counseling
Last month I had to face one of the most difficult situations of life twice. It was, talking to the wives of deceased husbands. My voice was shaking and I was stammering. I was unable to choose my words while speaking to them. Somehow I managed to talk to them in two different days.
Afterwards, I was giving a special thought to this matter. I thought when my brother died in January this year; I was in the same condition as they were now. I just tried to recall the messages and the calls and the consoling words of people for me at that time of bereavement. What were the words that really gave me comfort? Finally, I came out with a list of Dos’ and Don’ts’, which will give an idea in this matter. Those are as follows:
Give a hug: “Jaddu ki Jhappi” (Hindi), ‘a hug’, really comforts. If it’s possible on our part to give a hug then we should not hesitate to give it as soon as we face them.
Don’t stop them from weeping: We should never stop them from weeping. We should always try to let them cry as much as possible and unburden themselves. They feel lighter if they do so.
Cry with them: If possible when they cry or weep, we should cry with them. It will give them a sense that we are also sorrowful as them. It doesn’t mean that if we don’t feel like crying we will pretend to cry. It should be natural. We may not weep if we don’t feel like.
Don’t describe about the deceased: We should not describe about the deceased in front of the family members again and again with others. That doesn’t give them opportunity to divert themselves from the situation. Even sometimes that irritates them.
Don’t force them to eat, if they don’t feel like: We should never force them to eat or do something which they don’t want to do. We should give them enough space to gather their own strength and come back to their old state of mind.
It is really difficult to specify which are the correct ways of consoling a particular family or person. But the above points really gave me comfort and I think those will be helpful for all of us when we face this kind of situations.
Be blessed!
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Thanks for the article, these are really important things, and we should really know what to do when this comes, i always thought that it was important to say good words, but never knew there were things like this as well.Thanks, Hyun! Its really important to show empathy to a bereaved person. I tell you, both the sitations are very very difficult.
Excellent. I liked the don'ts as much as the do's. There are many mistakes during bereavement, and they mostly come from misplaced loving comments and actions that do not help, but distract, annoy and harm. Thanks for this great article.Thanks Chris! for reading and commenting...Yes, you're right about the don'ts. So many times we speak out without thinking which may hurt the bereaved. Thanks again...
Great job! I used and have seen these methods used in my work in hospitals.(p.s. correct the title mis-spell)Oh no...thats bad...anyway, only true friends can point out like that...Thanks a lot...I have edited it immediately...
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