How to Choose a Life Partner
Posted: Thursday, September 16, 2010
by Chiradeep
e-Counseling
I think this is the most tedious of tasks in life, ‘choosing a life partner.’ I have struggled and many must have struggled to find a right match for themselves those who are already married. Recently my cousin and his family chose a life partner for him. They are engaged now.
The westerners choose their life partners themselves. But in the Indian context mostly our parents and relatives are involved in the process of choosing a life partner for their sons or daughters, though things are changing now. There are boys and girls who are choosing life partner for themselves these days.
Now we can find number of sites and articles on web giving tips on choosing a compatible life partner. But who can guarantee what will happen after one or two or ten years of marriage. We cannot choose a life partner for three years and then wind up either. Marriage is a life time covenant not a contract.
So choosing a life partner is very important. I have a different take on choosing a life partner which I am going to share with all as under:
1. Spiritual Aspect
We always keep this aspect towards the end, but I thought lets keep it in the beginning this time. Once my spiritual father said, “Never give God a list and ask Him to choose one from the list; but always give God a ‘blank paper’, He will write according to His wishes and give it back to you."
So we should always give God a blank paper in our prayer and ask His will. This is the first and foremost step in choosing a life partner.
Secondly, we need to see the belief factor. Persons of different faith should not marry as it may be a problem for them after marriage if they stick to their own faiths. If they choose to leave their faith and compromise then it’s a different matter. But beliefs do matter in case of choosing a life partner.
2. 'Nobody is perfect' Aspect
We should be tuned to one song before choosing a life partner which is, “nobody is perfect.’’ So we should not search for Mr. Perfect or Miss Perfect as life partner. We can’t get all the good qualities in a single person. When we ourselves don’t possess all the qualities then how can we search the same in others! So we should try to be liberal on that aspect when we find few bad qualities or bad habits in some persons. We should be ready to accept this fact before moving to the next steps.
3. Mental Aspect
We should always be clear about our perspectives, mindsets, opinions as the differences may be a cause of quarrels in life after marriage. I believe partners should be intellectually either in the same level or the differences are marginal. The differences of intellectual or mental level may be unsatisfactory for both of them and may create an intellectual barrier between them. Then the danger alert starts ringing.
4. Physical Aspect
Are we searching for a handsome guy or beautiful girl as my partner? The King Solomon says, ‘beauty is vain.’ I respect and agree with him but I would suggest being practical in this matter.
One thing we should remember, physical beauty is the least among all the factors but it does create a sense of satisfaction when we have a handsome or beautiful partner by our side. What I meant by this is we should not grumble or criticize about the physical appearance of a person after marriage. It has broken many marriages. I hope I made myself clear in this matter.
Secondly, we should consider the behavioral pattern of certain persons while choosing a partner. Is somebody wants to get close to us physically whenever we meet? Or she/he loves to talk with us or just loves our presence or just loves to walk with us in the woods or just loves to know more about us? Be sure these persons love us, they love our persona and they just don’t love our body. But beware of first category, ‘’getting physical persons.’’ They are dangerous. We may lose them on the long run in our marital relationship.
Moreover, I must summarize my whole article as “we should not unequally yoke together."
My young friends! Are you getting ready for choosing a partner? Are you getting ready for marriage? Remember the above aspects while going through the process of choosing a life partner.
Be blessed.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Wonderful article Chiradeep. It is good that you write about the importance of abstinance before marriage. Hopefully young people of today will heed that message.Yes you're right...and thanks for recommending my article...good wonderful suggestion to young people.Thanks Simon for reading and commenting...
I am a Westerner so do not follow your customs but you showed very eloquently the steps to a contented and strong relationship.GraceThanks Grace for the comment...
I believe that marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on earth.Thanks for taking time to read and comment Sir.
Interesting article, thanks for sharingThank you Sir...so much
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